Not my breast day

They say that you should get your hair cut short in preparation for the chemotherapy… so it’s not such a shock when it starts falling out. I booked into a place I have never been before. I think that was a big mistake. I had this male hairdresser that I don’t think really ‘got’ how important my hair was to me. All he kept saying was  “its only hair” or “you know, your hair may not even fall out”. Then he grabbed my ponytail and chopped it off… just like that. uncontrollably tears rolled on down my face. To be fair he did an a good job. I just wasn’t comfortable or used to having short hair.

If I could recommend anything to anyone that goes through this. Get your hair done by someone you trust/know/are comfortable with. Because to me… it wasn’t just hair, it was the start of a long hard journey of a different body image.

I just want to thank Sally for being with me that day… it was so hard! and Sally and Paul for paying for the haircut <3

I got a phone call saying I had been squeezed into see this oncologist….I wasn’t mentally prepared for this. In the meeting, I was told all the details of the cancer and that it was a “triple negative breast cancer”. I will never forget being told that it is an aggressive tumor and because the cells are fast growing, the best treatment right now is CHEMOTHERAPY. I did not think this would be the outcome of this appointment.

Then I was bombarded with:

Hair loss, tears, steroids, possible loss of fertility, IVF, need to book in scans all over your body to see if there is spread anywhere else….. the most emotionally insane appointment of my life.

I was given scripts for so many meds, referrals, numbers, dates. I am so glad I had Sally and Cameron there to support me.

I booked into see the surgeon for the biopsy results before work. It was the last day of July.

I sat down and the surgeon asked me “how old are you” I said 24.  He looked at me quite surprised… he then told me that the results from the biopsy came back and it’s Cancer.

It was a shock, but I kind of just thought of it as like a skin cancer… like.. it can be cut out easily right?

Then later he referred to it as ‘breast cancer’ and I then it sunk in and it was like being stabbed in the chest. That appointment was so hard. It’s all a blur really. I stopped listening after I realised how shit these results were.

So the cyst is still there. I notice it all the time. When I am at the gym I can feel the 20kg barbell resting on it before I press it up off my chest, I feel it when I am running.. its heavier.

I work as a registered nurse in the operating theatres. I happen to be working in recovery on a day when one of the nicest breast surgeons comes in. I mentioned to him that I have a large cyst in my left breast that is really bothering me. He told me he would be happy for me to come to his rooms anytime and would look at the ultrasound report.

About two weeks went past. It had definitely grown. When I looked side-on in a mirror I could now see it changing the shape of my boob. I said to Cameron (my amazing boyfriend) … “I need to get this cyst sorted out this week, something is not right”. So I booked into see that lovely surgeon the next day.

I went in for my appointment. Basically he looked at the ultrasound report and said that it didn’t really make sense. He also said the only thing to do is get the cyst drained under ultrasound. So we booked that in for that the next day at medical imaging. Its so lucky that I work at the hospital. I am able to book in these appointments before/after/during my shifts.

So in between looking after my own patients I ran over to imaging to get the cyst drained. I remember watching the ultrasound as the giant needle went into my boob and awkward pop feeling when the needle was inside the dark hole on the ultrasound. No fluid came out. So instead the doctor took 4 huge core biopsies of this strange hard mass and sent it to pathology.

 

As October is breast cancer awareness month, I thought it would be good to share the story of how I became aware of my left breast cancer.

One morning in early July I noticed a large, sore lump on my left boob. It was like all of a sudden a golf ball had grown overnight inside me. I thought I had done too many push ups at the gym or pulled a muscle. I think I called my mum and told her about it. But not once did I even think that it was cancer. I went to work that day and asked all my nursing friends what they thought it was. Most of the responses were….”its probably a hormonal thing” “cysts are common at your age” “dont worry cancers are not normally large, sore or come up overnight”.  So I stopped worrying about it.

About a week later I ended up going back home to the Blue Mountains to get an ultrasound. The sonographer asked me if I had a family history of breast cancer before she started… I thought to myself why on earth would she say that, is she trying to freak me out..

The results of the ultrasound came back inconclusive and said that it is most likely a cyst and aspiration should be considered. “Otherwise no significant findings”. So I have a cyst…that explains why it is so sore. So I went to get the cyst aspirated at the GP however, nothing came back into the needle when aspirated. It was hard to find without ultrasound. So the plan was to leave the cyst alone and it should disappear over time.